COMPUTER SONGS AND POEMS ========== ------16-May--1992------ (Song and poem parodies with computer related subjects) collected & reformatted by Stefan Haenssgen The entries are formatted as follows, seperated by "@"s : Title : The title of the parody Original : The title of the original Group : The one(s) who performed the original Author : Author of the parody Info : Additional Comments by the Author Song : The Parody itself I'd like to thank the following people for their contributions, suggestions and error corrections (in alphabetical order) Joerg Anslik Rob Beukers Nelson Bishop Tony Duell Jonathan Dursi Alan Cox Axel Eble Martin Emmerich Uli Fraus Charlie Gibbs Andreas Gustafsson Thorbjoern Hansen Jonathan E. Katz Evan Kirshenbaum Thomas Koenig Rich Kulawiec Mark Lottor Adrian Mariano Colin McCormack Dipesh Navsaria Ove Ruben R Olsen Robert E. Seastroms George Sicherman Boas Simon Ignatios Souvatzis Starship Trooper Russell Street The Unknown User Martin Welk Alan Winston This collection contains the following songs: (changes to the previous version are marked "+" for additions and "/" for edited songs) 0x0d2c 99 Buckets of Bits A Better Model A is for Apple Addicted To Vi The Alternative Wall An Irish CPU Another Glitch in the Call Another One A Time for DWIM Automation A Visit from Saint Woz BBN Superlisp Berkeley 4.3 Boot It Both Ways, Now The Boys of HP + Bye Bye, UNIX + CAMM (Crustified Ancient of Main Memory) + Can't parse this The Computer Nevermore Core dumped blues CRASH! goes the System CRAY-S's coolant Cycles For Nothing The Day Bell System Died The DEC man cometh DECman The Disks of UNIX Don't Call From Home Don't Have a Conniption Emacs Wizard Every Cycle is Sacred Fork()ing on a Sun FORTRAN French Horn Concerto (for modem users) Friend of the System Gateway To Heaven Gateway To Net Ten HACKADU The Hacker Song + The Hacker's Song / The HACTRN I Could Have Tooled All Night I'm Typing Backwards for Christmas I Want a New Bug I am the very model of a Genius Computational Into the Tube JES The mighty system Just remember that you're flying o'er a disk pack.... Lambda Bound Leavin' Fed'ral Express Little PC Lonely Users The Maven My Favorite Hacks Mr. Bossman My Data are Over the Ocean My Favourite Things + Network Pie + Not a Boolean Ode to Amy (or: The Frontend Shuffle) + Our First Day on Usenet P-I-F-FO Please Release Me PLIate's Dream + Poor Pure Percy P / The Programmer's Blues The Programmer's Viewpoint Puff the Fractal Dragon Rawhide Script for a Hacker's Tear SIGHUP Blues Software for Nothing Socket Man Song of the Certified Data Processor The Sound of FORTRAN The Sounds of Silence Structured Programmer's Soliloquy The Swapper Take me Down to the SunLab Tap My Wire That was the HASP my friend The 12 computerised days of Xmas These are are a Few of Our Favorite Machines Treekiller The Underbull Badness Blues UNIBUS UNIX Unix Man + Unix Quandry Unix Wizard VAX Raphosdy Waiting for The Sun The Wall 2 What is a Hacker? When I was a lad When you try to get work from the data network The Worm before Christmas Write in C Yellow Subroutine One final remark: I collect postcards, so if you like this file and think I deserve a small favour, how about sending me a nice postcard? 8-) I'd appreciate it very much! Really! My new address (moving moving moving...) is: Stefan Haenssgen !!! NEW ADDRESS Nuitsstr. 2c !!! NEW ADDRESS W-7500 Karlsruhe 21 !!! NEW ADDRESS Germany !!! NEW ADDRESS PS: This file (and future updates) is also available via anonymous FTP at iraun1.ira.uka.de (129.13.10.90) in /pub/doc/computersongs-1.2e.Z PPS: (So much for "One final remark" ;-) Comments, suggestions, further contributions and error corrections are always welcome! ...and here we go: @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : 0x0d2c Original : ? Group : ? Author : Bill Mitchell Intro : Song : 0x0d2c ------ May all your signals trap May your references be bounded All memory aligned Floats to ints be rounded Remember.... Nonzero is TRUE ++ adds one Arrays start with [0] NULL points to none For octal use zero 0x means in hex use = to set and == for a test Use -> for a pointer a dot if it's not ?: is confusing use this a lot a.out is your program there's no 'u' in foobar and char (*(*x())[])() is a function returning a pointer to an array of pointers to functions returning a char @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : 99 Buckets of Bits Original : 99 Bottles of Beer Group : ? Author : "Jonathan E. Katz" Intro : (of course 90 buckets of bits then becomes 8f buckets of bits...) buckets can also be replaced by bytes Song : 99 buckets of bits on the bus, 99 buckets of bits. take one down, short it to ground. 98 buckets of bits on the bus.. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : A Better Model Original : A Modern Major-General Group : Gilbert and Sullivan Author : Steven Levine at Apollo Computer Intro : Song : A Better Model ============== by Steven Levine at Apollo Computer Submitted by "Spam" Sung to the tune of "A Modern Major-General" by Gilbert and Sullivan I've built a better model than the one at Data General For data bases vegetable, animal, and mineral My OS handles CPUs with multiplexed duality; My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality. My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity, You never have to bother checking out a bit for parity; There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting; My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting. Chorus: His disk drive has capacity for variable formatting, His disk drive has capacity for variable formatting, His disk drive has capacity for variable format-formatting. I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point: There's lots of room in memory for variables floating-point, Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral I've built a better model than the one at Data General. Cho: Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral He's built a better model than the one at Data General. The IBM new home computer's nothing more than germinal; At Prime they still have trouble with an interactive terminal; While Tandy's done a lousy job with operations Boolean, At Wang the byte capacity's too small to fit a coolie in. Intel's mid-year finances are something of the trouble sort; The Timex Sinclar crashes when you implement a bubble sort. All DEC investors soon will find they haven't spent their money well; And need I even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell? Cho: And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell? And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell? And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honey-Honeywell? By striving to eliminate all source code that's repetitive I've brought my benchmark standings to results that are competitive. In short, for input vegetable, animal, and mineral I've built a better model than the one at Data General. Cho: In short for input vegetable, animal, and mineral He's built a better model than the one at Data General. In fact when I've a floppy of a maximum diameter, When I can call a subroutine of infinite parameter, When I can point to registers and keep their current map around, And when I can prevent the need for mystifying wraparound, When I can update record blocks with minimum of suffering, And when I can afford to use a hundred K for buffering, When I've performed a matrix sort and tested the addition rate, You'll marvel at the speed of my asynchronous transmission rate. Cho: You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission rate, You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission rate, You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission-mission rate. Though all my better programs that self-reference recursively Have only been obtained through expert spying, done subversively, But still for input vegetable, animal, and mineral, I've built a better model than the one at Data General. Cho: But still for input vegetable, animal, and mineral, He's built a better model than the one at Data General. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : A is for Apple Original : A is for Apple Group : Traditional Author : Douglas Spencer Intro : Song : A is for Apple by Douglas Spencer Computer Systems Administrator, Anderman and Co Ltd A is for APPLE who sent us our Macs, D is for DEC, and they sold us a Vax. C is the language in which we write source, and B is our sort, which is BROKEN, of course. E is an ERROR when code is compiled, F is a FORK for creating a child, G is the GETTY that sits on the line, and H is a HANGUP whic:^?{^Zo^?{bD^]NO CARRIER I is the INTERCONNECTION of kit, J is the JOY when the cables all fit. K is for KERMIT, to copy a file, and L are the LINES that we drop all the while. M is the MODEM we use from our home, N are the NIGHTS which we spend on the 'phone, O is the OUTPUT we get from the host, and P are the 'PHONE BILLS we get in the post. Q for SIGQUIT makes our process abort, R is the REASON sigquit should be caught. S is the SIGNAL we catch and ignore, and T is the TRAP which we miss, and dump core. U is for UNIX -- I hope that is clear, V is the VISUAL editor here. W stands for the WINDOWS we use, and X for the windowing system we choose. Y is for YACC, quite a specialist tool, Z for the snores from the programming pool. Written while waiting while dinner was cooking submitted by chiyo to funny@looking. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Title : Addicted To Vi Original : Addicted To Love Group : Robert Palmer Author : Chuck Musciano Intro : After thinking about that poor wretch who has become addicted to vi, I was inspired to compose the following ditty, sung to the tune of "Addicted To Love" by Robert Palmer. As you sing this, it may help the effect to imagine a dozen women, all of whom resemble Bill Joy, dressed in black and dancing sinuously. Song : Addicted To Vi (with apologies to Robert Palmer) You press the keys with no effect, Your mode is not correct. The screen blurs, your fingers shake; You forgot to press escape. Can't insert, can't delete, Cursor keys won't repeat. You try to quit, but can't leave, An extra "bang" is all you need. You think it's neat to type a