From cove@nbn.com Tue Oct 13 11:50:07 1998 Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1998 11:22:22 +0200 From: Cove Schneider To: noc@magnet.at Subject: Fwd: [Fwd: Movie Logic] Hello Friends -- On September 30, my friend Gail Wetmore sent me this list of "Movie Logic:" During all police investigations. it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. Most dogs are immortal. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. Kitchens don't have light switches. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright and pant. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment. AFTER READING THESE -- Matt thought about it and added his own observations: The only time glass is impact proof is when the hero is locked in a room with a killer\monster. Shotguns and\or crowbars can be found anywhere. People can always grab onto a ledge, when they fall, and find some way to pull the bad guy over the edge. An expendable character is the only one allowed to investigate strange noises. When a house says, "Get out!", the people always stay. When a group of bad guys attack the hero/heroine, they always take turns attacking instead of attacking as a group. Luggage, no matter how big it is, can be carried, ran with and thrown with lots of ease. A hero can get shot, stabbed, etc..., but he'll still have the energy to kill all the bad guys. By the end of an action movies, the hero's car will be destroyed. All bad guys have the same clothing size as the hero. One identical twin is evil. At least one car crashes through a fruit cart or a piece of plate glass window. You already know everyones phone number. The bad guy always tells the hero his plot before the failed attempt at killing him. The bad guys shots always miss unless the hero is wounded or is expendable. When they explode, all cars have a full tank of glass. Under any condition, you have perfect reception on any cel phone. At least one bullet will hit a drum of gas or a propane tank. A 1 ton car can support two 4 ton trailers that are falling off a cliff, with two 4 ton attacking animals. A Mercedes can do everything. Any heat seeking missle can be easily diverted. Everyone knows how to make a simple flamethrower. Everyone can hold their breath under water, while expelling bubbles, for at least 3 minutes.