A view Quips (collected by Stefan Hepp ) ------------------------------------------------------------ * The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader * If debugging is the process of removing bugs, is programming the process of putting in bugs? * All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. * A programming language is low level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant. * NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! * Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve. * The three principal virtues of a programmer are Laziness, Impatience, and Hubris. See the Camel Book for why. * For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two. * Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way. * System restarting, wait... * Is it weird in here, or is it just me? * Each new user of a new system uncovers a new class of bugs. * Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing. * The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are correct. * it's a feature, not a bug * If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. * Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it. * There are two kinds of people: people who USED Linux and like it and people who never used Linux and don't like it. * Some Windows were made to be broken. * Linux vs. Windows is a no-WIN situation. * It is not too late to turn back from the GATES of hell. Use Linux. * Linux is like a wigwam: no windows and apache inside. * Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds! * Tomorrow's computers some time next month. --DEC * Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk ? * Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk ?..you could spend *all day* customizing the title bar. Believe me. I speak from experience." (By Matt Welsh) * Quantum Mechanics is a lovely introduction to Hilbert Spaces! * It seems that more and more mathematicians are using a new, high level language named "research student". * The only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. * In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said "Let There Be Light!" And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it. * Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein * Fairy Tale, n.: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers. * Fairy Tale, n.: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers. * No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails * Portable, adj.: Survives system reboot. * Do you remember when you only had to pay for windows when *you* broke them? * Real Programmers don't work from 9 till 5. (except these are the night ones) * Dont drink and derive! * Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them! -- Homer Simpson * Well, you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right button. -- Homer Simpson * That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria! -- Calvin * Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test. -- Calvin * But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice! -- Calvin * If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway. -- Calvin * This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen ... -- Hobbes * YAAH! DEATH TO OATMEAL! -- Calvin * Is it a right to remain ignorant? -- Calvin * You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. -- Calvin * If we don't all watch the same TV, what will keep our culture homogeneous? -- Calvin * My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me. Consequently I'm not self actualized. -- Calvin * You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude. Yeah, you can't be cool if you don't have an attitude. -- Calvin * There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. -- Calvin * This is so cool I've to go to the bathroom. -- Calvin * Dad are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for all the opportunities you botched ? -- Calvin * How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored? -- Calvin * "To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible." -Calvin * "But the important thing is persistence." -Calvin trying to juggle eggs * "It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep." -Calvin * "Mom knows EVERYTHING" -Calvin * "I'm a simple man with complex tastes." -Calvin * Endorsing products is the American way of expressing individuality. -- Calvin * One of the joys of being a kid is that experiences are new and therefore more intense. -- Calvin * I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life. -- Hobbes * I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside. -- Calvin * It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things. -- Calvin * That's the problem with nature, something's always stinging you or oozing mucous all over you. Let's go and watch TV. -- Calvin * As a math atheist, I think I should be excused from this. -- Calvin, to Hobbes * A voice crackles in Calvin's radio: "Enemy fighters at two o'clock!" - "Roger. What should I do until then?" * I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...? -- Calvin * My ethicator machine must've had a built-in moral compromise spectral release phantasmatron! I'm a genius! -- Calvin * Verbing weirds language. -- Calvin * The intrepid Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a distant planet! ..our hero ruefully acknowledges that this happens fairly frequently.. -- Calvin * A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. -- P. Erdos * A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner * Air is water with holes in it. * Between infinite and short there is a big difference. -- G.H. Gonnet * Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division. * "Consider a spherical bear, in simple harmonic motion..." -- Professor in the UCB physics department * Did you hear that two rabbits escaped from the zoo and so far they have only recaptured 116 of them? * For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. * Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? * Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today because if you enjoy it today, you can do it again tomorrow. * You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to. * What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers" * There are 10 kinds of people; those who understand binary numbers and those that don't. * Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. -- Ford Prefect * The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat... * I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. -- Guess who * If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. -- Zaphod. * "For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. " * Rome wasn't burned in a day. * Does it worry you that you don't talk any kind of sense? * One's never alone with a rubber duck. * Another world, another day, another dawn. * you could spend *all day* customizing the title bar. Believe me. I speak from experience." (By Matt Welsh) * Testing can only show the presence of bugs, not their absence.